What is “character?”

I recently heard one of those unattributable quotes, a “They say…” kind of thing:

“Character is the sum of every uncomfortable conversation we’ve had.”

-Them

This gave me a chuckle of self-recognition. I’d heard character defined traditionally as something more like a benefit you earn from physical suffering. But I realized that in this post-industrial world, with my soft, keyboard hands, suffering has probably been more of the emotional sort.

I don’t have calluses from working on the railroad, but I do have bruises from uncomfortable conversations I’ve had.

You may have found yourself in an uncomfortable conversation when:

• Asking for a raise

• Asking for a change in behavior from a partner, friend, or family member

• Owning up to something shitty

• Talking about funeral wishes with loved ones

• Standing up for yourself when you aren’t so sure about your footing

• Talking to clients about money

In any case, it’s being vulnerable, feeling the fear of being vulnerable, daring yourself to do something anyway, and then reaping the reward of living through the experience. Essentially, earning knowledge. Knowledge you can confidently act on, i.e. building character.

Does this definition of “character” resonate with you?